Lost in You
by msrachelb
Summary: How could she tell him? How could she tell her boyfriend that his best friend had been sneaking through her window for the last four months?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 Comfort**

She could still recall the exact night that Noah Puckerman came taping on her window for the first time during a cold October night.

She was sitting on her bed going through her song sheets trying to find the right song for the weeks assignment. Though she was positive that there wasn't an actually lesson to be learned when it came to any song revolving around Ace of Base she was going to comply regardless so there she was going through all the music she had by the band thinking she could mix it up enough to have more of a Broadway feel.

A knock on her window then made her jump and she grabbed the taser her dads had bought her in case of an intruder and her pillow and got up to open the curtain finding Noah on the other side freezing. "Berry, let me in." He said and she quickly nodded before opening the window and stepping aside and letting him in.

"Were you going to challenge me to a pillow fight or something? You really need to learn some defensive skills, Rachel." He said with a smirk as he sat on her bed.

Rachel showed him what was in her hand making him jump up and back away from her.

"Fuck never mind, just don't use that thing on me." He mumbled and she nodded curious as to why he was in her room so late at night and why he didn't just use the door.

"What are you doing here?" Rachel asked put her weapon back in her beside drawer and then grabbed a throw to wrap over her friend's shoulders. "You're freezing, noah."

She had known Noah since they were little kids and their parents introduced them wanting them both to have Jewish friends. Since then they went from being really close friends growing up to him being her number one tormentor and then somehow became friends again sophomore year when he joined glee club. After all that time she had only saw him so distraught once and that was the night when his dad left.

_Rachel knew there was something going on when Noah and Sarah Puckerman were dropped off at her house for the night. They had never stayed before. Noah had been dropped off to play and she baby sat the toddler occasionally at temple or with her fathers. Still the nine year old knew that something was wrong by how Noah didn't bound into her room raving about some sports game she didn't care about. Instead he just sat on her bed kicking his feet against the side._

_"He left." He said softly. "I heard them fighting and then he was gone. Didn't even say goodbye." Rachel grasped softly and places her hand on his shoulder only to have him shrug it off._

_"We didn't need him anyways."_

Eight years later she found herself in the same scene, her hand on his shoulder and him knocking it off as he got lost in thought and she just let him. He had came to her and she knew he'd talk when he was ready, he always did.

"Do you think I'm meant to be someone or am I stuck being a Lima loser?" He asked fifteen minutes later. Rachel had moved to the top of her bed with her sheet music to give him his space and looked up when he began to talk.

"What?" She asked softly as she put her things away and crawled down to him and at by him, gently taking his hand.

"That's a nonsense question Noah, of course you are meant to be someone. You have some of the greatest potential of anyone that I know." She assured him softly. Of course he had made some mistakes and his recent stent in juvenile correction reflected around that but it still didn't change how she felt about him. "What's going on? What happened to make you think this."

He shrugged almost laughing at her. What did she think caused his mood? His entire existence led him to the moment they were in. Normally he would just get drunk and ignore it until it went away but tonight he just wanted company and not of the sexual kind. He wanted his childhood friend.

"Mind if I stay? Don't really want to go home and you're bed has always been comfortable. I won't even try to touch your boobs I promise." He asked feeling like a pussy but he knew she wouldn't judge him like someone else would.

After a moment she nodded though many things were going through her mind, the number one thing being Finn but Noah was more important right now.

"I'll go get another blanket just in case, go ahead and get comfortable." She said with a small smile before going out into the hallway and grabbing a blanket and coming back to find him in just his boxers as she climbed into her bed making her blush.

"You said comfortable and I'm sure as hell not sleeping in jeans." He mumbled as he laid down and she just nodded and placed the blanket on the end of the bed and turned off the lights before taking her place beside of him.

They both laid on their backs just staring at the ceiling, both lost in thought with one full of questions and the other searching for answers. There was an odd comfort in the room though, something that neither of them expected.

"Ma and twerp are still pissed at me for what I did." He said suddenly as Rachel was started to fall asleep. She turned her head to him, arching her eyebrow wondering exactly what he was referring to.

"I wanted to help, I needed to help. Sarah needs braces and we don't have the money or insurance for that. I'm tired of Ma working all the time and my pool business can only go so far in the winter. So I stole that atm and maybe it was stupid but I was doing it for them. I'm the man of the house and I've already failed."

Rachel's heart broke for him and she turned to her side and slide closer to him as she wrapped her fingers around his wrist and laid her head on his shoulder.

"That's not true, Noah. They both love you so much. Maybe what you did wasn't the best of decisions but your intentions were good and you know that they know that. You are Sarah's hero and your mom loves you so much." Noah had always taken care of his family and she knew that, it was one of the things that only she knew and not many other people. He had a side that got into trouble but that was only when he needed to let off the steam he couldn't when he was making his sister dinner when his mom was working nights or taking her to school in the morning.

"Hey, listen to me. They aren't mad or disappointed in you. Don't think like that, you are going to do good things in your life. If you want, I could help you. Just say the word." She promised him and he just nodded and closed his eyes.

Rachel stated away watching him for a while as he fell asleep, she was worried about him. He had always carried weight on him that no one knew about, even she was in the dark about most of it she was sure. He had devoted his life to taking care of his mom and sister that day his dad left and he had never failed on his word. One bad day wasn't going to change how anyone felt about him for it.

She eventually fell asleep with Noah's arm draped around her waist and a soft smile on her face that he had came to her and that if felt good to lay in bed with him. Not even Finn laid with her innocently. It was special and it was something that she knew would only feel this way with Noah and she didn't know exactly why that was.

The next morning she woke up and he was gone, only the remainder of a quickly scribbled _Thanks_ left on her pillow telling her that it hadn't been a dream.


	2. Chapter 2

**I was shocked to have received such positive feedback from Chapter 1! I hope Chapter 2 doesn't disappoint!**

**Chapter 2 Confusion**

It was two days before Noah came tapping at her window again. This time she let him in without any questions or concerns. No words had been spoken between them since that night and while it wasn't usual for them to talk at school, Rachel had felt wounded that he barely acknowledged her after the night they had shared together. While she knew that nothing had happened, and it was purely her comforting him a part of her still expected something, anything.

Then he showed up at her window again.

"Do you and Finn never see each other out of school? Why isn't he here?" Noah asked as he kicked off his shoes and crawled up to her pillows.

"We see each other plenty, just because he isn't here late at night doesn't mean he isn't here. We spent time together earlier and then he went home at dinner time." Rachel answered as she laid down beside of him the position feeling possibly too comfortable to her now.

"If you are so concerned about him, why not go to his house? I'm sure he's just playing video games." She added and Puck smirked at her before folding his hands under his head.

"If I wanted to hang with Finn, I wouldn't have climbed up your tree. I want to hang with you, Berry." He stated simply with a small shrug like it wasn't a big deal.

To Rachel it was a huge deal though and she sat up and looked at him highly confused by what was going on. Having a bad night was one thing, but coming over just to do it was something she was positive no one had ever done before.

He caught onto her look quickly and rolled his eyes before turning onto his side and easily moving her hair out of her eyes. "You've always been there, even when I was a jerk to you. You were there and I feel like I owe you or somethin." He mumbled before turning back to his back.

"You don't owe me anything. You're my friend, you've always been my friend. I help the people I care about, no matter what." She stated simply though she was still confused.

Rachel relaxed against the pillows after turning to her side just studying his face. There was a moment during the short stent that they dated that she knew that he was someone so much more special than the person who was making out with her on her bed. He had always been so much more to her and she couldn't explain it. With him laying innocently on her bed completely relaxed the feeling hit her again. Her heart ached for her to touch him, hold his hand and just be his.

"Noah." Rachel whispered unable to snap herself out of it, though she knew it was wrong but she still moved closer to him anyways.

"Noah.. I.." She began only to find he had fallen asleep. Rachel sighed and turned out the lights and laid back down next to him her heart beating loudly.

"Oh boy." She mumbled feeling herself fall off the deep end as she fell asleep, two boys invading her dreams and her heart.

Rachel walked through the halls of McKinley the next morning feel like she had the worst night sleep. She woke up to Noah gone again and no note in his trail. She didn't understand what he was doing and why she felt like he was just messing with her. Finn was her boyfriend and she was happy with him, she didn't know why suddenly he was appearing in her room at night and leaving without an explanation before sunrise. She needed to find answers and fast.

"Noah can we talk?" Rachel asked once she had found him at his locker. He just shrugged and she led him into the choir room and sat down next to him trying to sort the words out.

"As much as I enjoy bed company at night, and really I do enjoy it. I've never shared a bed with anyone before and I find it really comforting to lay with someone and listen to them breathe while I fall asleep. I suppose it is what any romance novel or movie has set me up for, but it's still something new to me and frankly it is confusing." Rachel paused to make sure he was listening and when she was satisfied that he was she continued.

"I need to understand why you are doing what you are doing, or at least why you did so last night. The other night was understood and I am very pleased that you find me comforting and that I could be there for you, but I feel like there is something you aren't telling me and you need to tell me. I can't keep letting you into my window without knowing." She finished sounding sincere and refusing to let him not answer her.

Noah just looked at her and shrugged before putting his head in his hands for a moment and then standing. "Do you have a problem with me staying the night?" He asked and she shook her head. "Then that is all that matters. There is nothing wrong, just like your bed. Calm down and live a little."

She watched him as he just walked out after that her mouth agape with what had happened and a new sense of wonder filling her.

He came through her window five more times in a two week period before she asked again. Each time he was coming in and they'd talk for a few a while about anything and mostly nothing and then fall asleep, each time Rachel would lay awake for hours just watching him and wishing he'd not only open up to her but that his lips would stop taunting her. She had developed a new crush based off of his willingness to spend time with her outside of school and at night and she felt both silly and infatuated over the concept.

"Noah?" Rachel said as he sat at the end of her bed willingly painting her toenails. He had offered when he came in and while she made sure he wasn't drunk first she nodded and was now laying looking through a magazine her head going everywhere.

Her grunted in return and she just rolled her eyes and sat up on her elbows to look down at what he was doing.

"First, that is not exactly how you do that." She teased though it was the sweetest thing in the world and she didn't care what the end result would look like. Finn never offered to do anything for her and it was nice to be pampered for once.

He rolled her eyes at her and pinched her toe making her squeal and then cover her mouth remembering that her dads were in their room asleep.

"Why are you here?" She finally asked and he looked up at her and sent her a glare that she knew as meant that she wasn't meant to ask but she didn't care. She needed to know. "Tell me, please. I love having you here, but I know something is going on."

Finally he just sighed and finished her toes before capping the polish and laying beside her with a shrug.

"Ma keeps getting onto me about everything, like I don't know that I am screw up or somethin. I mean dude, I know." He mumbled and she looked at him with pity in her eye that made him glare at her again.

"Rach, stop asking your stupid questions. I'm here and you enjoy it so either kick me out or get over it."

She bit her lip and just nodded before running her fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry. I wish I knew how to help you feel better. To make you see that you are something. You shouldn't have to hide away from your house. I know how much your mom and sister mean to you." She whispered.

"Not hiding, just like to get away sometimes. Could be out smoking weed or getting drunk, would you like that?" He asked and she shook her head. He was there with her and that was good enough for her no matter how confusing it was.


	3. Chapter 3

**I apologize this took forever, life got the best of me. Here is chapter 3 though! I'm trying to set a steady progression and hope it doesn't seem too slow or too fast.**

**Chapter 3 Longing**

She was walking through the halls when she saw him leaning against her locker. Giving him a quizzical look she stopped next to him.

"What can I do for you, Noah?" Rachel asked. Their friendship hadn't changed much since he began to appear in her room at night just to 'hang out' as he had began to put it. No one ever wanted to hang out with her and it was weird, but she liked it. At school though it was like their new friendship hadn't blossomed at all.

"Does Hudson know about us?" He asked bluntly and she raised an eyebrow at him.

"Us? I wasn't aware there was an us." Sure she had been dreaming of him lately and not Finn and that was extremely worrisome but she hadn't thought about them being anything other than friends nor did she think about telling Finn. "I think we both know that Finn would not react to our clandestine nights in my room, Noah. So no I did not tell him. Why did you want me to?"

He shook his head and looked in the direction where Finn was at his own locker. "Just wondering." He mumbled before standing up straight and moving so that she could get into her locker. "Tonight we're going somewhere though so don't be in your pjs when I get there." Puck added and Rachel looked at him but before she could say anything he was gone.

Later that night she was sitting on her bed dressed and ready for him to show up. She wasn't sure what was going on or where he was taking her but a part of her knew that she needed trust him and that no matter what it was at least going to be a fun outing. She had never snuck out of her house before and while she had no idea how she was going to get down from her window she was ready for him to show up.

When he did she still jumped at his knocking and opened the window and looked down. "No, I can't." She said as she shook her head and backed away but he was faster and caught her wrist and pulled her back towards the window.

"Yes you can. Let's go it's not that hard just follow me and like don't die." He said with a shrug before ducking back out of the window and waiting for her to follow him before grabbing ahold of the tree branch and swinging down until he was on the ground.

Rachel gulped and closed her eyes before following his lead eventually landing on the ground with her heart racing so fast that she felt as if she was going to pass out. "I can never do that again." She mumbled and he chuckled and took her hand leading her down the street to where his truck was parked.

"You have to get back up, Berry." He mumbled with a grin as they hurried down until they were in his truck and she wrapped her coat around her tighter and adjusted the heater before turning to him.

"I would like to know where we are going now." Rachel said sincerely refusing to sit in silence during a drive to who knows where especially when it was late at night and she was usually half asleep by now.

He looked at her and shook his head again before stepping on the gas a little and making her jump and scream. "This is going to be fun." Puck mumbled under his breath making her glare at him.

"I swear Noah Puckerman, if you get me into trouble.." She scolded only making him laugh some more as he drove through Lima and finally pulled up to a house full of people and blaring music.

"You brought me to a party? It's Wednesday night." Rachel asked confused and he shrugged and helped her out.

"I was invited to a frat party and was told to bring a date. You keep saying how you don't get out enough and have never gotten experience so now is your chance. You just you know can't tell Hudson. He'd kill me if I brought his girl to a party that he wanted to be at."

"Wait, what? Finn goes to parties?" Rachel asked genuinely shocked. Finn never told her anything like that and the look in Pucks face told her that there must be a lot that her boyfriend held from her.

"It's not a big deal, so chill and now you are here so if you ever want to bring it up and throw it in his face you can. Just not like tomorrow unless you are really pissed at him or something." He then stopped talking as they entered the house and he threw his coat in a closet along with hers though she was skeptical of the state they'd be in when they went to retrieve them.

"Noah, it's a school night." She said as she took his hand innocently a little insecure to be around college student.

"Yes it is, good job." He mumbled with an eye roll as he got them both two red cups and she smelled it and shook her head before giving it back. "Drink it, you'll be fine. I'm not going to get you drunk. Just taste it, that's the whole point of tonight.:

Rachel sighed and took a drink of the beer, gagging first at the taste but taking a couple more until it wasn't bothering her anymore.

The party was not what she really expected, it was mainly drinking games and people making out as well as some dancing. She managed to get Noah out on the dance floor for a couple fast songs and then a slow song which she felt like he had enjoyed the most. She certainly did and as the night went on she felt more and more guilty that she was out with another boy and not her boyfriend. Even though Noah hadn't made one move on her.

"Noah." Rachel said her mind a little fuzzy from the alcohol and the smoke that was filling the room. She took his hand and he looked down at her with the sweetest smile before pulling her into his side making her heart flutter. He was only sweet to her when they were together and around people they didn't mutually know, she didn't know why.

"Having fun?" He asked and she nodded because she honestly was. She had met a couple girls who didn't immediately start making fun of her and she felt like she had genuine interest in being friends with. Their numbers were in her phone as well as a guys that she felt like she shouldn't have but if the party was about getting experience she was at least succeeding at it.

"Shouldn't we go soon? It's getting late." Rachel suggested gently reminding him that they had school the next day.

"The part of tonight is that you are skipping school tomorrow." He said and she gasped and shook her head.

"Absolutely not! Take me home right now!" Rachel declared with a stomp of her for and Puck rolled his eyes and took her away from the group.

"Listen to yourself right now, you talk about how you want to be a grown up and for people to notice you. I left you alone for five minutes and you had what four people talking to you? You are not this person you claim to be, Rach. Now you're having a good time, let lose a little and except that we're going to have more fun and tomorrow you can work ahead of classes or whatever, from home. Chill, it'll be fine." His hands were on her shoulders and she looked up at him breathing heavily but finally nodded and then stepped back from him before he got much closer to him.

"Okay, we'll stay. I was having fun talking to those girls." Rachel said honestly and he nodded and let his hands linger for a moment and her heart fluttered before he sighed and dropped them and pulled back. "Go back to what you were doing, I'll go walk around and see if I can meet anyone else." She promised and he smiled and leaned down and kissed her cheek before leaving her.

Rachel sighed and went to sit down for a minute slightly confused as to what was transpiring between herself and Noah. Yes she had Finn in her life and he had probably half of the girls in the next room ready to be the next one he bedded but she couldn't help but still long for him and it was infuriating that he wasn't making a move and she didn't know how to.

Pulling out her phone she saw that Finn had sent her a text, feeling guilty that she hadn't noticed she sent something back quickly before putting it back in her jacket pocket and then standing up and joining a group of girls who were chatting next to the wall. It was always easy to introduce herself but it was what she got in return that scared. She knew it was probably because they were all drunk or on their way to be, but she was accepted into their little clique for the night and it was the one of the best feelings she had ever had.

It was almost a hour of laughing and dancing with the girls before Noah came over and nodded at the others before pulling her away from them. "Hey! You can't do that, I was enjoying myself." She had cut herself off from drinking not wanting to experience being drunk and had realized that it was possible for people to like her for her and that she could be a normal girl and not some freak who loved Broadway. So she glared up at him and he ran his fingers through her hair for a moment before dropping them and making her sigh.

"I just wanted to check up on you and see if you were wanting to go or not." He said with a shrug and she shook her head. "I'm a little tired but we can stay longer if you want, it's up to you. You were the one invited after all." She answered and she got a nod in return before he walked way.

"You are one infuriating man Noah Puckerman." She mumbled to herself as she walked back over to the girls she was now referring to as sort of friends.

"Boyfriend? He's hot." The one who was named Morgan said. Rachel looked back in the direction Noah had went and shook her head sadly.

"No, I have a boyfriend but it's not him." She couldn't help but notice the disappointment in her voice and shook her head before smiling at him. "He's just a friend. He brought me here." Rachel said before a new song started to play and she dragged them back to the dance area not wanting to talk about it anymore.

It was bad enough that she was falling in love with someone who wasn't Finn Hudson, but falling in love with Noah while still with Finn was another and she didn't know how to deal with it.

She didn't know how to break up with Finn especially when she was getting nothing but mixed signals from Noah.

When Noah finally led her out of the house it was hours later than she had ever stayed up and she was yawning all the way back to where Noah usually parked his truck. He walked with her to her house and followed her up to make sure she got in okay before hanging out at her window.

"You're not staying?" She asked and he shook his head. "Nah, go get some sleep and do not wake up with your alarm tomorrow. I'll know if you don't stay home."

"Are you skipping as well?" Rachel asked and was confused when he shook his head again. "Nope, I'm going and that's how I'll know. Don't ask questions and just go to sleep. Night."

"Night." She said softly as she moved from her window and into the warmth of her room. She had been hoping that he was going to stay with her, that maybe she'd have the chance to ask the questions she needed to if they were together the next day. Now she felt like she'd never have the courage to ask. That she would never know if he was messing with her head or if she was just messing with her own.

Rachel changed out of her clothes and into her pajamas and climbed into bed with another yawn. Laying there for a while she went over the entire night in her head over and over again until she fell asleep. Something was missing, she just didn't know what it was.


End file.
